If You Want Me To

 

Listening to:
Song: I Surrender All
Artist: Jadon Lavik
Album: Roots Run Deep

 

 

Pandora just gave me a little blessing

The song ‘If You Want Me To’ by Ginny Owens came on and once again I was reminded of God’s faithfulness even in the silence. So much of what’s before me is unknown. Some days I wonder if I’ll reach this finish line of faith, but that song just reminded that in everything He is my Rock and my Portion. And it’s beautiful the way he remains even when the rest of the world leaves.

In Him I find my hope, and that can never be taken away.

NoiseTrade Widget

Why I stayed up until 3AM last night

So it’s finals week, and if you’re in the middle of this suckpile with me the Lord be with you. But as I sit here with about seventeen chapters of Biology breathing down my neck…I decided I had a confession to make or better yet a proclamation.

As many of you know, during this beloved time many students stay up until ungodly hours of the night/morning filling their noggins with academic and scholarly information, but you see I am entirely different. My reasons for staying up until 3AM last night were for no so scholastic a purpose. Now don’t get me wrong. I study…A LOT, but there is one thing you should know about me. After a long day of 12 hour study periods and brain numbing memorization, there are just a few things I need to do to be capable of functioning as a normal human being the next day regardless of the time of day. And it goes a little something like this…

In order to regain functionality I must:
1) Listen to at least 3 taylor swift songs (one must be a live performance via youtube)
2) Watch possibly 5 more taylor swift live performances found in the youtube related videos of the first live performance
3) Then fall into a spell of many more youtube videos both related and unrelated to taylor swift
4) Then fall asleep to the taylor swift Fearless Platinum Edition CD

Ok confession/proclamation over. That is why I stayed up until 3AM last night. Don’t judge me.

P.S.
I’m pretty sure this taylor swift thing is just a phase…I’m praying it’s just a phase.

Somethin’ to Say

Some sing cause they want to be heard, but for me there’s freedom in singing only because you have something to say…whether the world listens or not.

That’s it.

Come With the Rain

But I’ll leave my window open,
‘Cause I’m too tired at night for all these games.
Just know I’m right here hopin’,
That you’ll come in with the rain.

Beauty in the Beastly

Outside of having a great show and experiencing some awesome joy tonight, the night wouldn’t be complete without some serious conviction and learning.

Right as I was getting ready to close up shop and hit the sheets. There was some wisdom waiting for me. I ran upon pictures of horridly deformed children with birth defects impairing their appearance so much I was on the brink of losing my dinner. I was immediately convicted asking myself, ” What if I was faced with not only a picture, but a person with these deformities? Would I be able to show them love in a way that I see past their illness and into their heart?”

I was reminded of the ancient scriptures detailing the messiah in Isaiah 52 and 53 stating:

As many were astonished at you–his appearance was so marred, beyond human semblance, and his form beyond that of the children of mankind–…(52:14)

…he had no form or majesty that we should look at him, and no beauty that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces…(53:2-3)

To put it plain and simple, like these children, Jesus was ugly–horridly ugly–so much so that men would ‘hide their faces’. So as I move forward in this life I pray to look into the eyes of these children and see my Savior. To be like Jesus in that I am unafraid to place my hands on the leper’s wounds and to kiss and hug the filthy homeless paralytic. This shows true love and compassion.

Thus I leave you with this from Matthew 25:40:

And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’

Raw Rhythms

 

Listening to:
Song: White Shadows
Artist: Coldplay
Album: X&Y

 

 

So here I am sitting in the wonderful “Gnu’s Room” just finished a lovely cup of Holy Ghost mocha minus the Holy Ghost (but I still think it was kinda there). And I’m sitting here thinking…thinking about a lot of things, something, and nothing in particular but still one thing that I think about quite often–music and what it looks like for me.

On the eve of another show I can’t help but think to myself, “So what’s going on with this music stuff?” Regarding music and myself there is still so much that I just have yet to take hold of and understand. Being a musician that writes and performs my own music…and more specifically a christian musician who does these things with neither the ambition or intention to be a “christian” musician, but something different and if I’m honest…something realer.

In a world where much christian music to many non-christians and many christians if their honest equates to mediocre lyrics and mundane melodies. I want to sing about what matters in a way that shows it matters. I’m not fully knocking christian music, but I want the music that I’m a part of making to quake a generation.

I’m a christian and unashamed to claim the Son of God, Jesus, as not only my Savior but the only Savior of the world. I believe the Bible–that God wrote it and every word of it is true and written for me. And in this journey of me learning how to love him with more than just my words, but my life, it’s near impossible for me to do anything for his glory without it being totally reckless and raw. I hate cheesey, and I refuse to be cheesey because if you read the Word and know the Father he is everything but cheesey. His passion is deeper than anything this world has ever seen or heard, and the music I wanna write is music that will scream out with angels and shake the heavens. I want my words to be felt and not just heard. And if that’s what music will be for me then that’s something I can do for the rest of my life. Anything less He might as well take me now.

See I don’t want to be labeled as a christian musician…a worship leader…or anything like that. I just want to be real, and for the world to see me as such, because this isn’t a game to me. It’s not just what I believe. It’s who I am. When someone changes your life the way that Jesus has changed mine, he can be nothing less. And amongst a people who can subscribe to God on Sundays, and subscribe to self every other day of the week I have to be different. I am different. Everything about Him flows through my veins, so I know I can’t not sing about Him. And yes it will be worship, but to call it worship music would hurt my heart because too much of the worship music I know is nothing like what I want to be. I want to be more than that. I want the cries of my heart to seep into your headphones and your iTunes libaries…I want the cries of His heart to seep into your soul.

The Hot Seat

I will always remember the vivid picture painted in a novel I once read. I may be butchering it a bit, but from my memory (and interpretation) it goes like this:

It begins with a father who is placed before the judgement seat, and the judge turns to him and says, “Alright, you have three kids right? Well I’ve been looking at the records, and it seems like they’ve got a lot of indiscretions. I’m going to need you to authorize them to be killed seeing as you are the father.” With this statement, the father immediately is on edge. He responds, “I can’t do that! How could you ask that of me! They are my flesh and blood! I love each and every one of them. I can’t authorize them to be killed!” The judge replies, “You must. They are guilty. Unclean. Unfortunately, the price must be paid,” and the man in desperation pleads, ” No, no! There must be another way. There must be some way around this.” After a moment of silence he turns to the judge and says, “I’ll do it. Kill me instead. Leave my children. Take me.”

In his deep love for his children, his “workmanship” if you will, he offers his own life in the place of theirs. Because of the depth of his love, he is willing to sacrifice his own well-being just to know that the fruit of his loins will not perish.

At the end of this discourse the judge says to the frantic father tears now flowing down his face, “Funny. I know a Father who said the same thing.”

Many times I believe we miss both how great the the Lord’s sacrifice was on the cross, but more so how much greater his love must have been that he was willing to do it. Like the frantic father, God knew he had to make a way. Though we deserved death, that option just didn’t sit well with him so he became the way–the way to righteousness, the way to holiness, and the way to life abundant and eternal.

I challenge the world to receive the sacrifice, but not just as a “get out of jail free card” but rather as the gateway to living and not just existing.

Speed of Sound

 

Listening to:
Song: Speed of Sound
Artist: Coldplay
Album: X&Y

 

 

As I sit here letting Coldplay’s song “Speed of Sound” settle on me, I reflect on how my days truly seem to be moving at the “speed of sound”. In what seems to be the blink of an eye, life has caught up with me. My purpose is taking hold of me, though it’s still just out of reach.

Things are changing and I am growing. My life’s canvas is being laid out before me, and I watch as the portrait of my life is being painted before my eyes. And here I stand at nineteen years old, wondering if I really am all these brush strokes say I am. All I know to do is move forward…to go through the doors set before me, and follow the footprints of the one who leads the way. My prayer is just that the road I pave is never my own…that this path I follow is one that has been trekked before by the only one in control of it all.

Chew it up

Tonight I’m chewing on something…that I have no answers. I know nothing, and it’s never been about me knowing anything. I think a lot of times I like to try to explain things in my mind. Read people. Tell you why the world is the way it is. But people are less concerned with my reasons why. Because my answers don’t matter. As wise as I may or may not be. I’m still a fool. (haha please don’t take this as a pity party…I’m neither depressed, downtrodden, or losing my “religion”)

My problem is I too often think…lol I know funny wording. I don’t know how one would stop thinking, and that’s not necessarily what I’m looking to do, but nonetheless I think I need to catch up with a good friend called listening…and an even better friend–learning. Any maybe along the way meet with some friends knowing and loving. All things good ol’ Jesus keeps pulling me towards daily, and I promise you its daily. This love thing that him and I have together is a daily journey…a relationship where I take steps towards growing and understanding what this follower thing looks like for Kristen in the year 2009 by looking at what it looked like for these guys named Peter, Paul, John, Matthew, John Mark, James, Abraham, Sarah, Joshua, David, and everybody in between in the year a long time ago. Which isn’t always an easy thing to do…asking the hard questions that I do at times, but aren’t I glad he never left us as orphans. The whole gift of the Holy Spirit is the only thing that keeps me going some days.

So I say all that to say I need to shut up…to slow down. I need to take some things in, because there’s a lot that I’m still just walking out…or learning what walking it out looks like. In a world where everything’s twisted it can be hard to keep your head above ground, and tell the difference between truth and lies…but I’m taking it one step at a time.